Tuesday, January 17, 2017

Tuesday Talk


Ahhhh Tuesday.  Our first morning waking up with just the three of us (insert sad face here) However, I do have to say that first morning waking up as the only adult has its benefits.  I usually create a Hitch Goals list that you will see this week and I can't wait to get started on them.... but first things first.  

I am joining Erika and Ashley on the third Tuesday of every month to chat it up as most of you know I can do quite well...  We will talk about all things and today I am going to use it to share with you some personal struggles and some motivating stuff... so let me start.









First I will share with you that I have been battling infertility... I have always been very open about IVF and our personal struggles to anyone who is interested and especially to the women who are going through it.  I want to share my story in hopes that others will find hope and not give up.

Both my boys are IVF babies and both of them are beautiful little miracles.  

I could not be more blessed... but trying for that third baby hasn't been easy.  I was very fortunate to get pregnant on my first round... I did transfer two amazing quality embryos with Evan and sadly we lost one but having Evan made me realize God was working his ways.  





We then decided it to was time to start the process up when Evan turned a year and on his 14 month mark we were blessed with a second round of IVF and thus Ry guy!!!  We did transfer two embryos with him and unfortunately the same thing happened.  

So here we are.... & here is the quick version.  I started another IVF process in September.... Heavy dose of hormones,  countless needle sticks, blood draws, hospital visits, ultrasounds & 10 pounds later I was pregnant.  Halloween night I started spotting and by November 1 I had a full on flow.  I knew what that meant and soon to be told through bloodwork I was losing this pregnancy.  I was devastated.  Destroyed.  Diminished but it happened.  I understood the process but didn't understand the grief.  Fast forward two weeks, unbeknownst to me... I got pregnant.  Ladies... and Ladies of infertility... I got pregnant on my own.  WHAT.  Seriously - Oh my... I couldn't believe my eyes when I tested.  First time ever I concieved on my own and my poor husband was over seas in Korea and I couldn't even call him... I decided to wait until he was home from the ship an to surprise him.  The day before he was to return home I started spotting.  My brain knew but my heart couldn't take it.  The bloodwork and ultrasound showed me the worry I feared all along.  Two months into this pregnancy and it wasn't going to be.  I ended up telling Matt on his connecting flight home because I knew that I wouldn't be able to keep it together once I saw him and fear of the boys seeing me- I had to tell him.




So here I am.  All this time later and I am still taking blood to watch my HCG quant go back down to 0.  This process (2nd time around) is a lot more involved than the first time and a lot more of the expected and evolved emotion I have been feeling and struggling with.




So currently...  We met with our IVF doctor.... I am gearing up for another round of IVF... 








I silently struggled through my miscarriages and I never needed to.  The community out there is unreal.  The people you meet on this journey become your forever friends and you will cherish every late night convo you have about every weird and disgusting symptom you are sometimes sharing with a complete stranger.  I am forever grateful for my IVF sisters and my IVF community.  Infertility aint' for the week of heart.  It breaks you down, it wears you thin but the glory..... Oh the glory.  Just know if you are reading this and you are silently struggling as I was... Don't give up.  

4 comments:

  1. Hi Loren. I'm so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the heartbreak and how difficult it's been for you. Sending lots of love and praying for you and your family!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you so much! I really appreciate it. I certainly can use the prayers!

      Delete
  2. With the help of a man called Dr.Addo I was able to get pregnant though his root and herbs. I'm 47years of age, it was really difficult for me to pregnant though my husband loves me but it was really hurting me not having my own child but after many years I came across Dr.Addo whose email address is ( addosolution@gmail.com ) he gave me Root and herbs and I was pregnant a week after i his help. I'm 7months pregnant now and also I will like to advice everyone looking for help to get pregnant to contact this very man via his email address: ( addosolution@gmail.com )

    from CANADA

    ReplyDelete
  3. With the help of a man called Dr.Addo I was able to get pregnant though his root and herbs. I'm 47years of age, it was really difficult for me to pregnant though my husband loves me but it was really hurting me not having my own child but after many years I came across Dr.Addo whose email address is ( addosolution@gmail.com ) he gave me Root and herbs and I was pregnant a week after i his help. I'm 7months pregnant now and also I will like to advice everyone looking for help to get pregnant to contact this very man via his email address: ( addosolution@gmail.com )

    from CANADA

    ReplyDelete

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